Today has been one of those extremely hard days. I spent most of the day wondering why people have so much hate in their hearts. I mean, a plot to kill That One? I think we all know that underneath all the ranting and raving at The Old Dude/Caribou Barbie rallies, somewhere this was lurking. But I don’t blame them entirely…this would have probably surfaced without them. And some cruel beast (not even worthy of being called human anymore) killing an entire family, over what? Over what? My heart aches for JHud and her family…Lord knows I cannot even imagine what they are going through right now. And even though I will probably never know her, it is the human in me to extend my condolences to her and shed tears for what she and her family are going through right now.

I heard a song today that expresses exactly how I feel…I would like to share it with you. It was originally sung by Nina Simone, and this version is by Lighthouse Family.

video credit: originally uploaded to YouTube on July 2, 2007 by NewestNuma

Peace and blessings, y’all…

Should I be troubled by the fact that I am alone and almost 37 years old? I had a conversation today with someone and they said to me that they wouldn’t know what to do if they didn’t have a man in their life…that they needed a body in the bed next to them.

OK…I must be something else because I would like to have a warm body next to mine, but need one? No. Would I like to cuddle with someone on the couch and watch a movie? Sure…but need? No. Has my life ended because I don’t have a man in my life? Not quite. I used to think, after my divorce, that I was going to turn into an old hag who latched onto her son as her only source of social life…and for a moment, I did. But it was my ex-husband who stopped that. Yes, my ex-husband. He is the one who told me to get out and enjoy my life and that my son couldn’t fill that space for me. Of course, at that time I ignored him, because who in the hell wants to admit that their ex-husband is actually making some sense? But as I continue on in my life, my mind gets clearer and I realize that my son is getting older and he has to live his own life, has to become his own person. I am his mother, not his friend, not his homie, not his partner. My son does often serve as my dining out partner, but when I need to get some time with some adults, I do. And I find myself nowadays craving some adult attention. So lately, I have started to go and spend time with my friends and do 36-year-old things.

Back to the man thing. There are times when I miss having someone here to rub my shoulders and kiss me on my neck, among other things. I patiently await my turn, though. I am not into fulfilling that space with any temporary fill-in. I want someone who is going to treat me like I deserve to be treated. I have been listening to Steve Harvey (of all people) who has stated lately that women need to have standards and requirements of how they want to be treated. I am that woman. I know what I want and do not want and won’t settle for anything less. If I know you are going to deliver less, I won’t even bother. At even the slightest inclination, I’m out. I know that sounds a little hard-ass, but there are too many games to be played, and I simply don’t have the time or patience. Nor do I have the temperament to deal with bullshit. So I’ll wait…I know it’s coming.

It is a hard thing, having authority over whether someone keeps their job or not. I don’t have direct authority, but as part of my job, dealing with seasonal employees, I have to make the decision on whether or not they are fit for the job. I had to make that decision recently and let some of the seasonals go. Having been a supervisor before, this is the part I absolutely hate. I believe in giving people a chance to show and prove, but I also believe that if it is not going to work out, then everyone has to face the facts and move on. The hard part comes when the emotions arrive.

Honestly, I am one of the coolest people you will ever meet (if I must say so myself) and even sometimes to the surprise of myself, my flexibility is immense. But when you bend me further than I can go, then I snap. It is when I reach this level that I no longer care if your feelings get hurt; that is my mistake. I realize that this is something that I need to work on…being able to make the decision quicker, before I reach this point. Unconsciously, I continue to move toward my breaking point, thinking that I am being patient and supportive; but all the while I am building to a point of frustration that is not good for me…or anyone else.

After letting the seasonals go today, I happened to be caught in the elevator with them. No one said a word; not me, not them…nobody. It was an uncomfortable and awkward silence and the longest elevator ride from the 2nd floor to the 1st floor ever (I thought riding the elevator would help me to miss them; not). Once I got to my car, I overheard a conversation the seasonals had with others about why they suspected they had been let go. They, of course, were way off base, but it helped me put things in perspective. People are going to say what they have to say to make themselves feel better. No matter the situation, no matter how it truly went down, if they are not honest with themselves, they will make up all kinds of things to make themselves look better and make the other party involved look bad.

Being a member of the management team is hard; it is a thankless job. You cannot play both sides of the fence. But what I learned today is that I will not give up being who I am to become who people think I should be. I am who I am…I worked hard to finally get to this place in my life where I am comfortable in my skin, being me, knowing me. And I won’t give that up to satisfy anyone else.

I am shocked by the number of deaths in the “celebrity” world this year. This morning I learned of the death of George Carlin, one of the funniest dudes I have ever heard. He died Sunday as a result of heart failure…add his name to the list of those who had a history of heart trouble and succumbed to it.

George Carlin is probably best known for his routine, “Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television.” (beware…) This routine led to a Supreme Court decision on how offensive language would be broadcast (or not broadcast, depending on how you look at it). George was lewd, and offensive, and pushed the envelope to the furthest edge…but he had such a likable personality that you listened to him, and laughed, and enjoyed his perspectives on life.

He will be missed; and even though he didn’t believe in Heaven, I would like to believe that He and Richard Pryor and Redd Foxx and Lenny Bruce are in the afterlife preparing an out of this world comedy show…the true Kings of Comedy…

You know, I’ve never spent this much time, fighting this hard, working this much for something that I believe in with all my heart. I’ve never felt so passionately about defending something that I believe is wrong, and maybe in my older years I’ve just become so tired of seeing women used as a stomping ground for bullshit. So when I visited SjP’s place in my blog trolling, I came across her post on Michelle Obama and my blood pressure was instantly raised.

This constant taking everything that Mrs. Obama says and does out of context is enough to make me, like SjP said, take off my earrings and look for some Vaseline! The very fact that the one thing I’m sure Senator Obama loves about her is being treated as her weakness is deplorable. Since when can we not be who we are?

As women, we must send a message that attacking this woman will not be tolerated. Please make sure that you support Michelle Obama Watch.

Update: After thinking without anger, I have taken the links out of this post. I am not going to give credence to the people on that blog…that only lends to their insufferable misrepresentation of the truth. I will fight with what I know, and that is positivity…stooping down to their level is not going to solve anything, and linking to their page and giving them exposure is not going to help anything.

I wake up on Sunday morning and get my coffee and watch Meet The Press. That show made me care about what was going on in the world of politics, and its host, Tim Russert, provided me with a view that I came to rely on. It often left me cheering for Tim, because he seemed so straight forward and shot from the hip…I enjoyed his curious banter and intellect which helped me learn something new every Sunday.

So imagine my sadness as I walked into my home this afternoon and turned on my television and am inundated with the news that Tim has passed away. In my shock, I sat on the couch and stared at the images on my television. I have jokingly called him “Uncle Tim” to my friends and family members, since I don’t think I’ve missed a MTP for a couple of years. People know not to interrupt me on Sunday mornings between 9 and 10am because I am watching Uncle Tim.

Like him or not, he was truly committed to politics and journalism. He always did his research, and seemed to thrive on reading and acquiring knowledge. My prayers go out to his family, especially his son, Luke, who he spoke of often and who must be completely devastated at losing his father, and perhaps, friend this close to Father’s Day.

I first want you to go and take a look at this…shit: UCN

Now, let’s take a deeper look into why the hell Ashanti felt the need to set up a fake Web site and take it even further to film some useless ass video about a crime spree that has jumped off because of her song? If this no-talent singer had any ounce of pride, she would not be party to anything like this; and to do this just to sell records?

What has become of us, people? Will we do anything to become something that we are not? Since when is it okay to lose respect for yourself, let alone everyone else, to even conceive something like this? I realize that the music industry is a business, but there are still some that hold onto who they are and make it.

She is a pretty girl, with a not so strong voice. That hasn’t held back some of these more successful young ladies. Name one that can actually sing…I’ll wait. I didn’t think so. But it really is all about marketing and promotion, isn’t it? And this ploy, this little trick, is some bullshit.

With the way of the world today, why should anyone condone such idiotic displays of nonchalance? Shit like this infuriates me to no end, because it is so not necessary and only illuminates the fact that this girl’s small window of fame is closing fast. When she cannot stand on her own and garner attention, but has to resort to meaningless tactics to draw attention to an album that probably sounds worse than fingernails on a chalkboard, she just needs to find something else to do. Be honest with yourself, girlfriend…if you had to sit in a room and set up a flip chart and brainstorm ideas to get people to listen to you, it is OVER!

I first read this story on What About Our Daughters and I agree with the solution: don’t set up a protest, don’t stage a major boycott of Ashanti…just ignore it. What she wants is the attention and not giving it to her maybe will tell her what we already know…baby, your time is up.

Update: Per MTV, Ashanti and her record label have taken down the site and issued a statement…

“Following discussions with Ashanti, we have jointly decided to remove the TheWayThatILoveYou.com website that hosts the Gotchagram,” read a statement issued from the singer’s label Wednesday morning (June 11). “Ashanti and her music have always been about self-empowerment and addressing the issues that are most meaningful to her. We stand by our artist and her creative choices.”

I came across this unbelievable and downright disturbing story on one of the blogs that I visit on the regular (Black Snob) and I had to say something.

Not only does it cross the line with Senator Barack Obama and his family, but also with Senator Hillary Clinton (I can go back to saying her name now…it’s all good). The exhibit, displaying the names “The Assassination of Hillary Clinton/The Assassination of Barack Obama” was set up in a store front in Midtown Manhattan last week and the Secret Service and NYPD quickly came and shut it down. They took the artist in for questioning, but he was released later.

According to an article in the New York Times, the artist, Yazmany, had this to say:

“It’s art. It’s not supposed to be harmful. It’s about character assassination — about how Obama and Hillary have been portrayed by the media.” He added, “It’s about the media.”

I am linking to his Web site only so you can see the travesty that is this. I am offended, as a mother, as a Black person, and as a woman.

Here is the Obama display…

And here is the Clinton one…

After you see them, let me know what you think in the comments…

I wanted to re-post this after hearing that Mildred died last week…how can we stop this from happening again?

It is truly gone beyond understanding when you hear a story of a young girl being shot because she rejected the advances of a group of niggas (yeah, I said it) yelling at her from a car. You see, Mildred Beaubrun, 18, and her friends had just left a club and had stopped at a 7-Eleven in Orlando last Monday. A car full of…whatever…drove up and followed the girls when they left, driving alongside them and yelling at them, asking for their phone numbers and what not. The exchange became more intense when the dudes began to throw things at the car the young ladies were in, and then it happened: one of these mothafuckas pulled out a gun and shot into the car, striking Mildred, who sat in the back seat. She now lays in an Orlando hospital, unconscious and fighting for her life.

For what? Mike over at Happy Go Lucky Bachelor wrote a piece that puts into perspective the difference between then and now. Back then, young men had examples to follow and were able to take rejection with a grain of salt. Now, rejection is seen as an insult, a dig to their pride, and they can’t go out looking like a punk in front of their boys. So to avoid that, to make it seem like they are bigger than what they are, that they don’t take no shit off of anyone, they resort to this kind of bullshit. What has shooting this woman got them? If they are caught (and Lord, I pray that they are), they are facing jail time and an undeniable life filled with more hatred of themselves.

Because that is what this breaks down to: there is no love for themselves, so there is no love for anyone else. The level of respect is nonexistent; and there are no men in their lives to correct them and tell them that if a woman rejects you, take it in stride and move to the next one. Of course, I don’t know what that feels like from a man’s perspective (being rejected), but I do know that if you have any sense, you absolutely know that every woman is not going to fall at your feet because you are yelling at her from some car window. But I digress…

How do we prepare our girls for this kind of behavior? How do we keep them safe from these bastards that have no regard for human life: theirs or others? Because this is frightening, and we are living in a world where violence seems to be the first choice, instead of the last resort. Violence has become the norm, and it no longer surprises or takes us aback when we hear stories like this. That is shameful, and we should be ashamed as a society that we have watched from the sidelines to this thing that has grown into a disease.

I am an eternal optimist when it comes to the youth of the world. I believe that they can be saved. Sure there are some that are way gone, and there is no solution to their problems but 3 hots and cot. But there are others that still have hope in their eyes, hidden beneath their anger and disillusionment. All they need is for someone to constantly tell them they can make it and to help them believe in themselves. I have seen it happen with the kids I work with at my son’s school. I have seen it happen with neighborhood kids that I sit and talk to. My neighbor used to work with kids at a group home and I’m sure she saw plenty of young men that just needed someone, anyone who believed in them. That goes for both girls and boys.

I don’t have a solution to this problem; I wish I did, but I don’t have the answer. Better parenting, better schools, better environments…they all contribute to the solutions, but how do we get there without some assistance? No one wants to take responsibility for the problem, and therefore, no solutions. What I can do is this: ensure that my son and those he interacts with know what it means to respect and love the women they will encounter in their lives. 

Mildred Beaubrun may not live; she had surgery to remove part of her lung and her family is surrounding her at her hospital bedside, praying fervently I’m sure. I add my prayers to theirs, and send my blessings to them.

Barack and I share something in common: we believe that at the core of all people, there is good. I know that is simplistic and a bit naïve, but it is a viewpoint that allows us to press forward and reach for things that maybe only we can see. I am in no way comparing my life to his, but add this as another reason why I believe in him, why I feel that he is the right person for this country right now.

Watching his speech tonight, I couldn’t help the emotions from bursting forth. A combination of pride and of a feeling of suspension in disbelief. Am I really experiencing this? I never thought that I would see this day, and I am proud that it is this man who I get to see accomplish this goal of becoming the first Black man to secure the Democratic presidential nomination. For all the cynics out there who are quick to jump to, “Aha, see it is about race…Blacks supporting Blacks!” Yes, you are correct. Am I wrong for that? Should I not be proud that this Harvard educated Senator who has ran an excellent campaign succeeded in accomplishing this historic moment? If I should feel guilty that by chance he is a Black man, I don’t. It makes me even prouder.

I will not even give any attention to the speech that she gave. It is what it is; but I will say this: I know that it must be a difficult thing to give up something that you believe that you had at one time; so my patience with her is renewed, but only for a short time…a very short time (the end of the week, Mrs. C…you have until the end of the week). This fight is over; it is time to bring everyone together for the common good and for the goal at hand: winning the Presidency for the Democrats. The time is now…the person is Barack Obama…

Update: here’s the video of his speech in St. Paul from last night…I have watched it now twice and once again am moved his passion and sincerity!

video credit: originally uploaded to YouTube on June 3, 2008 by BarackObamadotcom