It is a hard thing, having authority over whether someone keeps their job or not. I don’t have direct authority, but as part of my job, dealing with seasonal employees, I have to make the decision on whether or not they are fit for the job. I had to make that decision recently and let some of the seasonals go. Having been a supervisor before, this is the part I absolutely hate. I believe in giving people a chance to show and prove, but I also believe that if it is not going to work out, then everyone has to face the facts and move on. The hard part comes when the emotions arrive.
Honestly, I am one of the coolest people you will ever meet (if I must say so myself) and even sometimes to the surprise of myself, my flexibility is immense. But when you bend me further than I can go, then I snap. It is when I reach this level that I no longer care if your feelings get hurt; that is my mistake. I realize that this is something that I need to work on…being able to make the decision quicker, before I reach this point. Unconsciously, I continue to move toward my breaking point, thinking that I am being patient and supportive; but all the while I am building to a point of frustration that is not good for me…or anyone else.
After letting the seasonals go today, I happened to be caught in the elevator with them. No one said a word; not me, not them…nobody. It was an uncomfortable and awkward silence and the longest elevator ride from the 2nd floor to the 1st floor ever (I thought riding the elevator would help me to miss them; not). Once I got to my car, I overheard a conversation the seasonals had with others about why they suspected they had been let go. They, of course, were way off base, but it helped me put things in perspective. People are going to say what they have to say to make themselves feel better. No matter the situation, no matter how it truly went down, if they are not honest with themselves, they will make up all kinds of things to make themselves look better and make the other party involved look bad.
Being a member of the management team is hard; it is a thankless job. You cannot play both sides of the fence. But what I learned today is that I will not give up being who I am to become who people think I should be. I am who I am…I worked hard to finally get to this place in my life where I am comfortable in my skin, being me, knowing me. And I won’t give that up to satisfy anyone else.
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